in celebration of Anitanola December 9, 2014 9:04 AM Subscribe
I received an incredibly moving package from my secret quonsar Anitanola this past weekend, and I wanted to share its story here. When I opened the box full of beautiful presents wrapped in ribbon, organza, and silvery tissue paper, it also contained a notecard with “read this last” written on its envelope. I set that aside, and instead read the note on top, which you can see here. It reads:
This is lagniappe! I’m downsizing my stashes and this is a share of the notecards. Maybe you’ll write a note or just pass them on or pitch ‘em! AnitaThe package contained an amazing variety of handcrafted and locally-made stationery samples, as well as some charming magnets and art beads. Once I had oohed and ahhed over it all, I obediently opened the sealed envelope last. You can see it here: [front] [back], and here is what it said:
Dear [a fiendish thingy], I’m sorry that this was sent late. Sadly, my mother, Anita Cage, who drew your name in the metafilter “secret santa,” passed away on Monday, Dec 1st, after a long illness. She so appreciated her community of online friends, as she was housebound with considerable mobility issues. Even as she was worsening, however, she was concerned that this reach you, and that I “round out” the package with some locally made artcraft magnets. So I send this as she wished, and on her behalf wish you a fond hello and happy holiday season. [Her son]I was deeply touched that she had made sending these beautiful gifts such a priority under the circumstances, and I emailed her son immediately to tell him so. In our communications, I asked him if he would like for me to post about Anitanola’s passing on metafilter, and he was relieved that I had offered so that he would not have to figure it out himself. He also sent a link to her obituary (found here), for those of you who wish to read it. She lived a long and inspiring life. Given her extraordinary kindness in helping to make my holiday beautiful even as her health was diminishing, I not only wanted to post to let everyone else know about her passing and her generosity, but I wanted to act on the inspiration of her own note to me. I definitely do NOT want to pitch the lovely notecards she sent, and instead I’d like to offer to send them on to any of you who would like to remember her in a tangible way. You can memail me your address, and that way her stash can wend its way around the world to other mefites in Anitanola’s honor. (This offer is open to anyone who wants one, of course, even if you didn’t know her well— I think she would enjoy the idea of these missives going to as many mefites as possible!) I will also be sending this MeTa post to her son at his request, so if you have any stories about her to share, he will see them here. If any of you want to send a message to him directly, let me know and I will be happy to pass it on. Her passion, humor, and wisdom will be missed.
Wow! Thank you for posting this. What an amazing woman!
posted by small_ruminant at 9:11 AM on December 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by small_ruminant at 9:11 AM on December 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
Oh! What a loss, and what a life. To the memory of Anitanola: Thank you.
posted by MonkeyToes at 9:14 AM on December 9, 2014 [8 favorites]
posted by MonkeyToes at 9:14 AM on December 9, 2014 [8 favorites]
Best of the internet.
My sympathies to her family and friends and what an amazing woman indeed.
posted by MartinWisse at 9:14 AM on December 9, 2014 [2 favorites]
My sympathies to her family and friends and what an amazing woman indeed.
posted by MartinWisse at 9:14 AM on December 9, 2014 [2 favorites]
Oh God. Got a little something in my eye.
posted by Curious Artificer at 9:14 AM on December 9, 2014 [4 favorites]
posted by Curious Artificer at 9:14 AM on December 9, 2014 [4 favorites]
She sounds like an amazing woman - I always enjoyed reading her compassionate, intelligent responses in AskMe, and will miss her presence there. Thank you for sharing, a fiendish thingy - she taught me a new word through your card and I look forward to using the term 'lagniappe' as often as I can this holiday season.
My deepest condolences to her family.
posted by DingoMutt at 9:15 AM on December 9, 2014 [12 favorites]
My deepest condolences to her family.
posted by DingoMutt at 9:15 AM on December 9, 2014 [12 favorites]
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posted by Johnny Wallflower at 9:23 AM on December 9, 2014
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 9:23 AM on December 9, 2014
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posted by dialetheia at 9:26 AM on December 9, 2014
posted by dialetheia at 9:26 AM on December 9, 2014
She was a bookstore owner. Doesn't get much better than that.
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posted by Melismata at 9:28 AM on December 9, 2014 [13 favorites]
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posted by Melismata at 9:28 AM on December 9, 2014 [13 favorites]
So very sad -- she wrote beautifully here about her life, and I will miss reading her posts.
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posted by gladly at 9:29 AM on December 9, 2014 [3 favorites]
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posted by gladly at 9:29 AM on December 9, 2014 [3 favorites]
There's a couple ideas for memorial donations at the bottom of the obit.
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posted by 0 at 9:30 AM on December 9, 2014 [4 favorites]
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posted by 0 at 9:30 AM on December 9, 2014 [4 favorites]
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I was always glad to see an Anitanola comment. I'm not surprised to find she led a full, thoughtful, compassionate life. She'll be missed.
posted by Iridic at 9:30 AM on December 9, 2014 [26 favorites]
I was always glad to see an Anitanola comment. I'm not surprised to find she led a full, thoughtful, compassionate life. She'll be missed.
posted by Iridic at 9:30 AM on December 9, 2014 [26 favorites]
She was one of the good ones. Our loss. She lived full up to the very end, so in memorial she gets a bang, not a whimper, from me.
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posted by benito.strauss at 9:32 AM on December 9, 2014 [6 favorites]
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posted by benito.strauss at 9:32 AM on December 9, 2014 [6 favorites]
Oh, this is shattering news. Her voice and presence on the site were such a treasure, and I only wish I'd been able to meet her in person, if only to raise a glass to her comment about what life was like before Roe v. Wade: "Choice is the Camelot for women." Since I'll never be able to thank her for sharing her story in person, I'll do it here instead: Thank you so much, Anita.
What a wonderful, inspiring, and generous woman. Sending condolences, love, and peace to her family. Since her obituary says, "In lieu of flowers, please consider a donation to either Heifer International or Planned Parenthood, both charities which she fervently supported," let's send them some money in her memory, yeah? I know I will.
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posted by divined by radio at 9:32 AM on December 9, 2014 [73 favorites]
What a wonderful, inspiring, and generous woman. Sending condolences, love, and peace to her family. Since her obituary says, "In lieu of flowers, please consider a donation to either Heifer International or Planned Parenthood, both charities which she fervently supported," let's send them some money in her memory, yeah? I know I will.
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posted by divined by radio at 9:32 AM on December 9, 2014 [73 favorites]
Oh no! Anitanola's voice here was so important and valuable. I'm sad that we won't hear any more stories. My condolences to her family!
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posted by ChuraChura at 9:47 AM on December 9, 2014 [7 favorites]
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posted by ChuraChura at 9:47 AM on December 9, 2014 [7 favorites]
Wow. I am bowled over by this. And that Camelot story, just wow. I am so glad she is a part of this crazy community. I hope her family has peace, she sounds like an incredible person.
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posted by Slarty Bartfast at 9:54 AM on December 9, 2014
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posted by Slarty Bartfast at 9:54 AM on December 9, 2014
P.S. Anita's family, the "." is site convention for a moment of silence or mourning.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 9:56 AM on December 9, 2014 [11 favorites]
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 9:56 AM on December 9, 2014 [11 favorites]
Every (wo)man's death diminishes me.... RIP Anitanita, condolences to your family.
posted by Lynsey at 9:57 AM on December 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by Lynsey at 9:57 AM on December 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
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posted by double block and bleed at 9:59 AM on December 9, 2014
posted by double block and bleed at 9:59 AM on December 9, 2014
What a woman, what a life. My deepest condolences to her family.
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posted by peripathetic at 10:00 AM on December 9, 2014
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posted by peripathetic at 10:00 AM on December 9, 2014
Oh, no. I'm so sorry to hear this. Tears in my eyes now — she was such an interesting and compassionate commenter, I'll miss seeing her thoughts here.
posted by Lexica at 10:05 AM on December 9, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by Lexica at 10:05 AM on December 9, 2014 [2 favorites]
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posted by the man of twists and turns at 10:08 AM on December 9, 2014
posted by the man of twists and turns at 10:08 AM on December 9, 2014
She was one of my favorite mefites. I am so sad I will never have the chance to meet her in person.
posted by ocherdraco at 10:12 AM on December 9, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by ocherdraco at 10:12 AM on December 9, 2014 [3 favorites]
Oh no. This is the first thing I'm seeing here today and honestly I'm in tears at the coffeeshop. What a loss. She was such a valuable voice here, and I always looked forward to hearing what she had to say. I am very, very sad to hear this... and not surprised that she was thinking of others to the end. Thank you for this lovely post, and please do send our appreciation and condolences to her family.
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 10:15 AM on December 9, 2014 [6 favorites]
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 10:15 AM on December 9, 2014 [6 favorites]
This is a lovely post and Anitanola was a lovely woman.
For her son who is reading this and may not be familiar with MeFi traditions, the periods you see represent a moment of silence and respect. We are all so, so sorry for your loss -- please know that your mother meant a lot to a lot of people and while it might be strange to think about this whole other world your mother occupied that is unfamiliar to you, this is just another place she was awesome and respected and the thoughts and love of many people are with you and your family today. Very very best wishes to you and thank you (and a fiendish thingy) for the thoughtfulness and compassion in this post.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 10:15 AM on December 9, 2014 [40 favorites]
For her son who is reading this and may not be familiar with MeFi traditions, the periods you see represent a moment of silence and respect. We are all so, so sorry for your loss -- please know that your mother meant a lot to a lot of people and while it might be strange to think about this whole other world your mother occupied that is unfamiliar to you, this is just another place she was awesome and respected and the thoughts and love of many people are with you and your family today. Very very best wishes to you and thank you (and a fiendish thingy) for the thoughtfulness and compassion in this post.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 10:15 AM on December 9, 2014 [40 favorites]
Oh my gosh. She was my secret quonsar last year, and she gifted me the most amazing assortment of thoughtful items, including gifts for my son. She was quite literally one of the most generous, thoughtful and kind people I've ever known. Even months after quonsmas, she would continue to send me little notes and urls that made her think of me.
I feel fortunate to have had her in my life, and everything is a little bit duller now. I will miss her terribly.
posted by dotgirl at 10:20 AM on December 9, 2014 [23 favorites]
I feel fortunate to have had her in my life, and everything is a little bit duller now. I will miss her terribly.
posted by dotgirl at 10:20 AM on December 9, 2014 [23 favorites]
I only wish I'd been able to meet her in person, if only to raise a glass to her comment about what life was like before Roe v. Wade: "Choice is the Camelot for women."
That one floored me when I first read it, too, and I remember her name; she's made many valuable contributions here. And managed to perform a Quonsmas miracle, too. I didn't know her, but I will miss her. I hope her family finds peace.
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posted by cellar door at 10:23 AM on December 9, 2014 [4 favorites]
That one floored me when I first read it, too, and I remember her name; she's made many valuable contributions here. And managed to perform a Quonsmas miracle, too. I didn't know her, but I will miss her. I hope her family finds peace.
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posted by cellar door at 10:23 AM on December 9, 2014 [4 favorites]
I am very glad at this particular moment that I am at home, by myself, because I'm crying in a rather messy fashion, and I can just give in to it, and let myself be sad. Because this is a loss that worth feeling really sad about. It's been pouring down rain all day here in New York, and I can believe that the skies are crying, too. There are women on this site whom I really look up to for their wisdom and life experience, and Anita was one of them.
posted by ocherdraco at 10:26 AM on December 9, 2014 [34 favorites]
posted by ocherdraco at 10:26 AM on December 9, 2014 [34 favorites]
So sorry to hear this. Truly an example of living with grace. She will be sorely missed.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:33 AM on December 9, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:33 AM on December 9, 2014 [3 favorites]
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posted by Monsieur Caution at 10:35 AM on December 9, 2014
posted by Monsieur Caution at 10:35 AM on December 9, 2014
Oh, this is sad news. She was a wonderful voice here, on blue and green.
posted by janell at 10:36 AM on December 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by janell at 10:36 AM on December 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
She really was lovely and wonderful. I liked her so much, and her last memails to me (about this very secret quonsar gift that she was going to ensure got out) were charming and kind and positive that I glossed over that she had been in the hospital for week - or maybe I didn't want to dwell on that fact. I always thought, when I saw her name, how she was so much like what I want to be when I am her age - strong, resilient, smart, with it, kind ... I want to thank her family for sharing her a little with us.
posted by julen at 10:42 AM on December 9, 2014 [14 favorites]
posted by julen at 10:42 AM on December 9, 2014 [14 favorites]
Wow. I love this place.
posted by gwint at 10:44 AM on December 9, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by gwint at 10:44 AM on December 9, 2014 [2 favorites]
It's clear she was a great inspiration to her family here and IRL. Thank you to a fiendish thingy and to anitanola's son for making it possible for all of us share in remembering her.
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posted by Room 641-A at 10:48 AM on December 9, 2014 [2 favorites]
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posted by Room 641-A at 10:48 AM on December 9, 2014 [2 favorites]
My tears started when I saw the title to this post. I loved Anitanola's answers and her voice. I spent a happy time one night spidering through her contributions here. And athough I never contacted her personally, I want to leave this here, because I think she would have wanted it. My thoughts are with her family.
"Desiderata"
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity
and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.
posted by kimberussell at 10:53 AM on December 9, 2014 [34 favorites]
"Desiderata"
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity
and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.
posted by kimberussell at 10:53 AM on December 9, 2014 [34 favorites]
She had a huge heart and we are all better off for having known her. Thanks so much for the news aft, I'll contact you about maybe getting some notecards to send you. Let me know if I can help with postage to send them around.
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 10:54 AM on December 9, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 10:54 AM on December 9, 2014 [3 favorites]
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This is a huge loss; she was a MetaFilter treasure. So knowledgeable, so much perspective, so kind, helpful, and thoughtful. I always enjoyed reading her comments. Thank you for this post, a fiendish thingy - this is a perfect MF obituary.
posted by Fig at 10:55 AM on December 9, 2014 [4 favorites]
This is a huge loss; she was a MetaFilter treasure. So knowledgeable, so much perspective, so kind, helpful, and thoughtful. I always enjoyed reading her comments. Thank you for this post, a fiendish thingy - this is a perfect MF obituary.
posted by Fig at 10:55 AM on December 9, 2014 [4 favorites]
This was tough to read about this morning during my quonsmas elf email roundup. What a kind, thoughtful woman.
arcticseal made the suggestion and I absolutely agree: Anita's son, if you'd like to become a member of this community we'll send you a gift account. We'd love to have you.
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posted by phunniemee at 10:56 AM on December 9, 2014 [5 favorites]
arcticseal made the suggestion and I absolutely agree: Anita's son, if you'd like to become a member of this community we'll send you a gift account. We'd love to have you.
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posted by phunniemee at 10:56 AM on December 9, 2014 [5 favorites]
Oh, hell this makes me sad. I enjoyed her contributions very much. Thanks for writing this up, a fiendish thingy.
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posted by cybercoitus interruptus at 10:56 AM on December 9, 2014
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posted by cybercoitus interruptus at 10:56 AM on December 9, 2014
(also donated to Heifer Int'l via link in the obit)
posted by maryr at 10:58 AM on December 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by maryr at 10:58 AM on December 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
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posted by easily confused at 11:03 AM on December 9, 2014
posted by easily confused at 11:03 AM on December 9, 2014
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posted by Eyebrows McGee at 11:05 AM on December 9, 2014
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 11:05 AM on December 9, 2014
My tears started when I saw the title to this post.
Mine didn't, I thought it was just a "thank you" post, and what a punch to the gut to get to the "read this last" note.
I'm so very, very sad to hear this. Such a loss for Anitanola's real-life family and friends and also (secondarily but still very significantly) for those of us who only knew her online.
To Anitanola's son: I'll just echo the comments above saying how much your mother's voice was valued and will be missed.
fiendish thingy, thank you for the thoughtful remembrance.
posted by torticat at 11:07 AM on December 9, 2014 [9 favorites]
Mine didn't, I thought it was just a "thank you" post, and what a punch to the gut to get to the "read this last" note.
I'm so very, very sad to hear this. Such a loss for Anitanola's real-life family and friends and also (secondarily but still very significantly) for those of us who only knew her online.
To Anitanola's son: I'll just echo the comments above saying how much your mother's voice was valued and will be missed.
fiendish thingy, thank you for the thoughtful remembrance.
posted by torticat at 11:07 AM on December 9, 2014 [9 favorites]
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posted by bibliowench at 11:08 AM on December 9, 2014
posted by bibliowench at 11:08 AM on December 9, 2014
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posted by JoanArkham at 11:09 AM on December 9, 2014
posted by JoanArkham at 11:09 AM on December 9, 2014
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posted by Rustic Etruscan at 11:09 AM on December 9, 2014
posted by Rustic Etruscan at 11:09 AM on December 9, 2014
Thank you for letting us know.
I was so grateful for her presence on this site, and for the exchanges we had, and the stories she shared. I had decided that the next time we were in New Orleans that I would make every effort to meet her.
She was remarkable. My condolences to her family.
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posted by rtha at 11:10 AM on December 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
I was so grateful for her presence on this site, and for the exchanges we had, and the stories she shared. I had decided that the next time we were in New Orleans that I would make every effort to meet her.
She was remarkable. My condolences to her family.
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posted by rtha at 11:10 AM on December 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
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posted by Mouse Army at 11:12 AM on December 9, 2014
posted by Mouse Army at 11:12 AM on December 9, 2014
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posted by SisterHavana at 11:15 AM on December 9, 2014
posted by SisterHavana at 11:15 AM on December 9, 2014
Oh no! I will miss her wisdom and kindness and gentle spirit. Thank you so much for letting us know, a fiendish thingy, and crafting a MeTa worthy of Anitanola. What a wonderful woman.
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posted by Phire at 11:22 AM on December 9, 2014 [3 favorites]
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posted by Phire at 11:22 AM on December 9, 2014 [3 favorites]
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posted by arcticwoman at 11:35 AM on December 9, 2014
posted by arcticwoman at 11:35 AM on December 9, 2014
I always really, really enjoyed Anitanola's comments here... she was thoughtful, and kind, and smart as hell. I'm very sad now.
posted by palomar at 11:39 AM on December 9, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by palomar at 11:39 AM on December 9, 2014 [2 favorites]
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posted by hapax_legomenon at 11:45 AM on December 9, 2014
posted by hapax_legomenon at 11:45 AM on December 9, 2014
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posted by HandfulOfDust at 11:45 AM on December 9, 2014
posted by HandfulOfDust at 11:45 AM on December 9, 2014
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posted by sciencegeek at 11:48 AM on December 9, 2014
posted by sciencegeek at 11:48 AM on December 9, 2014
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posted by Drinky Die at 11:49 AM on December 9, 2014
posted by Drinky Die at 11:49 AM on December 9, 2014
Poignant last blue comment, in a way:
she was a great favorite of mine.
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posted by Anitanola at 12:36 AM on November 28 [1 favorite −] [!]
posted by Drinky Die at 11:52 AM on December 9, 2014 [6 favorites]
she was a great favorite of mine.
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posted by Anitanola at 12:36 AM on November 28 [1 favorite −] [!]
posted by Drinky Die at 11:52 AM on December 9, 2014 [6 favorites]
Oh my gosh that is so sweet. What grace in the whole package and the "read this last" note. Tears now for a lovely family.
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posted by BibiRose at 11:52 AM on December 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
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posted by BibiRose at 11:52 AM on December 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
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posted by PussKillian at 11:59 AM on December 9, 2014
posted by PussKillian at 11:59 AM on December 9, 2014
There's probably fewer than 20 metafilter users who I "know by name", ie have some sort of association with their username such that I can think " of yes, that's something they would write", or "soandso always has an opinion on that topic" or similar. And at least half of those people, I remember because I have had negative reactions to posts or comments they have made, and I mentally eyeroll when I see their username.
But anitola is one of the few that I not only remember, but remember fondly. I was always glad when she commented and I learned a lot from what she had to say.
posted by lollusc at 12:05 PM on December 9, 2014 [9 favorites]
But anitola is one of the few that I not only remember, but remember fondly. I was always glad when she commented and I learned a lot from what she had to say.
posted by lollusc at 12:05 PM on December 9, 2014 [9 favorites]
just bawling. Her words meant so much to me so many times.
posted by hydropsyche at 12:20 PM on December 9, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by hydropsyche at 12:20 PM on December 9, 2014 [3 favorites]
What a terrible loss for her communities in person and online, and how characteristic of her to make sure her gift was shipped. Reading the obit reminds me that we are as likely or not to be old, young, and of any background. I'll miss you, anitanola.
posted by theora55 at 12:22 PM on December 9, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by theora55 at 12:22 PM on December 9, 2014 [3 favorites]
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Tears. What an amazing woman and a good tribute, too.
posted by mochapickle at 12:25 PM on December 9, 2014
Tears. What an amazing woman and a good tribute, too.
posted by mochapickle at 12:25 PM on December 9, 2014
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posted by pemberkins at 12:27 PM on December 9, 2014
posted by pemberkins at 12:27 PM on December 9, 2014
I haven't heard back from Anita's son yet, but I have sent him the link for this page, so I hope he will have a chance to visit soon to read about how important his mother was to everyone here.
I have received a few messages from people who are worried that I might already be out of notecards, and I just wanted to mention that I am nowhere close, because Anita was so generous! If anyone has wanted to ask for a note but didn't want to risk depleting the "stash" (as she called it), please do drop me a line. Even if the cards themselves run out, she sent me some small notebooks as well, and they have many pages that I will happily dedicate to sending out as epistolary fragments of her immense kindness.
posted by a fiendish thingy at 12:35 PM on December 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
I have received a few messages from people who are worried that I might already be out of notecards, and I just wanted to mention that I am nowhere close, because Anita was so generous! If anyone has wanted to ask for a note but didn't want to risk depleting the "stash" (as she called it), please do drop me a line. Even if the cards themselves run out, she sent me some small notebooks as well, and they have many pages that I will happily dedicate to sending out as epistolary fragments of her immense kindness.
posted by a fiendish thingy at 12:35 PM on December 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
I'm so sorry. What a very interesting life indeed. I'll remember her story whenever anyone says to me "I'm too old to go back to school."
posted by Miko at 12:38 PM on December 9, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by Miko at 12:38 PM on December 9, 2014 [3 favorites]
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posted by Benny Andajetz at 12:38 PM on December 9, 2014
posted by Benny Andajetz at 12:38 PM on December 9, 2014
I was Anita's Secret Quonsar this year—this is very upsetting news. I will be writing a letter to her son today, and will express the community's condolences. Feel free to memail me with any notes or comments you'd like me to include in my letter.
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posted by obloquy at 12:40 PM on December 9, 2014 [4 favorites]
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posted by obloquy at 12:40 PM on December 9, 2014 [4 favorites]
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Her wisdom and kindness shone through in each of her comments. I'm sad that she's gone, but grateful that she shared so much of herself with us. My condolences to her son and her friends, and thank you, a fiendish thing for a moving obit post.
posted by kagredon at 12:42 PM on December 9, 2014
Her wisdom and kindness shone through in each of her comments. I'm sad that she's gone, but grateful that she shared so much of herself with us. My condolences to her son and her friends, and thank you, a fiendish thing for a moving obit post.
posted by kagredon at 12:42 PM on December 9, 2014
Vale. She was a wonderful presence here, and I love that her final interaction with the community was a generous and loving one.
posted by smoke at 12:46 PM on December 9, 2014 [6 favorites]
posted by smoke at 12:46 PM on December 9, 2014 [6 favorites]
So sad! I added anitanola as a contact after we e-mailed back and forth a bit when I was doing metaquilter. Seeing her name over in my contact activity area always made me click because I knew any post or comments from her would always be smart and interesting.
posted by artychoke at 12:53 PM on December 9, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by artychoke at 12:53 PM on December 9, 2014 [3 favorites]
As was mentioned earlier, Anitanola is a name that rewarded the careful readers who learned to watch for it. I can't remember her comments ever being just a drive-by snark or inflammatory jab: instead she wrote clearly and honestly and sensibly and kindly.
I like her suggestion on Dec. 16, 2013, of advice for visiting an eldery relative:
posted by wenestvedt at 12:53 PM on December 9, 2014 [26 favorites]
I like her suggestion on Dec. 16, 2013, of advice for visiting an eldery relative:
Much to my surprise I have entered my eightieth year. It is just a fact that I might not live much longer but I am aware that mentioning this ordinary reality does seem eccentric to younger people. When I have an inexplicably stressful and stupid day, I also sometimes say things that I would certainly have put more diplomatically in earlier years.That last line is just wonderful. :7) And of course, there were so many other good lines, too: she will be remembered with wistful smiles and big grins all over the world tonight. Cheers, dear lady, and God bless.
posted by wenestvedt at 12:53 PM on December 9, 2014 [26 favorites]
I always noticed her wisdom. Condolences to her family and friends.
posted by readery at 12:54 PM on December 9, 2014
posted by readery at 12:54 PM on December 9, 2014
What a beautiful and moving story. Peace to her family and friends.
posted by dywypi at 1:05 PM on December 9, 2014
posted by dywypi at 1:05 PM on December 9, 2014
I'm so sorry to hear this, and deepest condolences to her family. I always liked seeing her name appear, she was really wise and kind and so passionate about causes close to my own heart. I've been reading back through her comments and I'm so sad her voice will be missing now. She mentions a few times that John Coltrane's Dear Lord was profoundly important to her, so I'm listening to it now and wishing her peace.
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posted by billiebee at 1:11 PM on December 9, 2014 [8 favorites]
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posted by billiebee at 1:11 PM on December 9, 2014 [8 favorites]
What a loss to the community, Anitanola was a truly special person who lived with kindness and generosity to the the last. I will miss her.
This post is very touching on so many levels. A fiendish thingy, Anitola had the right person in you because your beautiful tribute to her, your sensitivity and thoughtfulness -- well, call it fate or whatever, but she was paired with just the right mefite this holiday season. Two very kind people, you have shown yourself worthy of her legacy. Thank you.
posted by madamjujujive at 1:14 PM on December 9, 2014 [11 favorites]
This post is very touching on so many levels. A fiendish thingy, Anitola had the right person in you because your beautiful tribute to her, your sensitivity and thoughtfulness -- well, call it fate or whatever, but she was paired with just the right mefite this holiday season. Two very kind people, you have shown yourself worthy of her legacy. Thank you.
posted by madamjujujive at 1:14 PM on December 9, 2014 [11 favorites]
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posted by Rock Steady at 1:16 PM on December 9, 2014
posted by Rock Steady at 1:16 PM on December 9, 2014
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posted by deludingmyself at 1:26 PM on December 9, 2014
posted by deludingmyself at 1:26 PM on December 9, 2014
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posted by crush-onastick at 1:30 PM on December 9, 2014
posted by crush-onastick at 1:30 PM on December 9, 2014
I love this comment of hers:
posted by mudpuppie at 1:30 PM on December 9, 2014 [60 favorites]
I first felt what seemed to me a rather ruthless betrayal by my body when I reached puberty. I loved being eleven; I was strong and fast and could excel at games and in school; I enjoyed myself. Then a series of changes began which I did not welcome and could not control. I learned to live with this new body but felt that same sense of being overruled by my body later when undergoing the changes of pregnancy and especially in the course of labor--the certain knowledge that this body was going to birth this baby whether I was on board with the idea or not.I'm very sorry that she's gone, but she left a lot of good stuff here, and I'm grateful for that.
There has been a steady decline of strength, stamina, and skin tone for my entire adult life. Sometimes now my body surprises me by some inability or by taking two days to recover from a simple outing. Life as a body has been a long adjustment, reconciling myself and accepting what I have to work with, making the best of it. To tell the truth, though, for all the beauty of a nineteen-year-old body and all the pleasure this body has been capable of, it's been touch and go and not entirely trustworthy since age eleven.
posted by mudpuppie at 1:30 PM on December 9, 2014 [60 favorites]
she will be remembered with wistful smiles
wenestvedt, thank you for pointing to that comment.
I took one text to begin and for many years, it was my only scripture and I set as my work was to learn and understand it: It was "God is Love." I have never felt since that I needed a longer version.
There was a time (when I was young and dumb and dogmatic) I would have thought that statement facile. Now I see it as a deep and thoughtful observation (not to mention a very difficult project to set for oneself!) from a wise woman.
posted by torticat at 1:44 PM on December 9, 2014 [6 favorites]
wenestvedt, thank you for pointing to that comment.
I took one text to begin and for many years, it was my only scripture and I set as my work was to learn and understand it: It was "God is Love." I have never felt since that I needed a longer version.
There was a time (when I was young and dumb and dogmatic) I would have thought that statement facile. Now I see it as a deep and thoughtful observation (not to mention a very difficult project to set for oneself!) from a wise woman.
posted by torticat at 1:44 PM on December 9, 2014 [6 favorites]
I favorited this comment from Anitanola because of this: "I know that my son will be sad and will miss me but that is unavoidable in life if we are ever to love anyone at all. The love is more important than the loss."
Grief is the tax we pay on love. My condolences to all of the family and friends who loved and miss her.
posted by MonkeyToes at 2:01 PM on December 9, 2014 [51 favorites]
Grief is the tax we pay on love. My condolences to all of the family and friends who loved and miss her.
posted by MonkeyToes at 2:01 PM on December 9, 2014 [51 favorites]
She seemed like a lovely person. And I have to agree with everyone - her Camelot post was among the best of Metafilter. She will be missed.
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posted by Mchelly at 2:02 PM on December 9, 2014
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posted by Mchelly at 2:02 PM on December 9, 2014
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posted by dilettante at 2:18 PM on December 9, 2014
posted by dilettante at 2:18 PM on December 9, 2014
I'm going to miss her. What a lovely soul. Sounds like she passed on some of that loveliness to her son, too.
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posted by Metroid Baby at 2:30 PM on December 9, 2014
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posted by Metroid Baby at 2:30 PM on December 9, 2014
Oh no, this is such sad news. I am just glad that I didn't look at MetaFilter until after I went home for the day because I am utterly in tears and that's just easier to handle alone. I always appreciated her interactions here. I'll miss seeing her name on comments.
posted by Dip Flash at 2:31 PM on December 9, 2014
posted by Dip Flash at 2:31 PM on December 9, 2014
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posted by Blue Jello Elf at 2:32 PM on December 9, 2014
posted by Blue Jello Elf at 2:32 PM on December 9, 2014
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posted by betafilter at 2:41 PM on December 9, 2014
posted by betafilter at 2:41 PM on December 9, 2014
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Anitanola was the first person I ever MeMailed - she had made one of her usual wise, compassionate and articulate comments and I wanted to thank her for it, and I received a kind, welcoming message back, which I wasn't expecting but which made my day. She was also the only member I linked to.
How very sad. I liked seeing her name under a comment because it was going to be a good one, a kind one. What a lovely person.
posted by Martha My Dear Prudence at 2:51 PM on December 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
Anitanola was the first person I ever MeMailed - she had made one of her usual wise, compassionate and articulate comments and I wanted to thank her for it, and I received a kind, welcoming message back, which I wasn't expecting but which made my day. She was also the only member I linked to.
How very sad. I liked seeing her name under a comment because it was going to be a good one, a kind one. What a lovely person.
posted by Martha My Dear Prudence at 2:51 PM on December 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
What sad news—she'll be badly missed. My condolences to her son and to everyone who loved her.
posted by languagehat at 3:24 PM on December 9, 2014
posted by languagehat at 3:24 PM on December 9, 2014
Oh no …
I had no idea that this was near. Anita has been for me, first a customer … then a supporter … then an all-capital-letters patron … then a friend.
She was such a strong supporter of my work that I began to be afraid she might have been making herself a nuisance in her community - grabbing people and turning them upside down and shaking them until they would order something from me. And when that didn't work, she herself would do the ordering, asking me to send the items to somebody else. And it wasn't just purchases - she corresponded at length anytime I came to a point in my work where I obviously needed advice and guidance from a clear-headed viewpoint.
She has clearly left a MetaFilter legacy, but I've got a similar _private_ legacy of hers in my email files and blog comments.
This is the saddest news I have heard all year, and it's going to be very difficult to be cheerful and 'normal' here in my shop today ...
posted by woodblock100 at 3:25 PM on December 9, 2014 [27 favorites]
I had no idea that this was near. Anita has been for me, first a customer … then a supporter … then an all-capital-letters patron … then a friend.
She was such a strong supporter of my work that I began to be afraid she might have been making herself a nuisance in her community - grabbing people and turning them upside down and shaking them until they would order something from me. And when that didn't work, she herself would do the ordering, asking me to send the items to somebody else. And it wasn't just purchases - she corresponded at length anytime I came to a point in my work where I obviously needed advice and guidance from a clear-headed viewpoint.
She has clearly left a MetaFilter legacy, but I've got a similar _private_ legacy of hers in my email files and blog comments.
This is the saddest news I have heard all year, and it's going to be very difficult to be cheerful and 'normal' here in my shop today ...
posted by woodblock100 at 3:25 PM on December 9, 2014 [27 favorites]
Oh, so sad. Anitanola was one of our finest. There's not enough "." in the world for her loss.
posted by Joey Michaels at 3:25 PM on December 9, 2014
posted by Joey Michaels at 3:25 PM on December 9, 2014
I'd been meaning to give to Planned Parenthood, and reading her story about Choice got me to finally go there and donate right quick.
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posted by ldthomps at 3:35 PM on December 9, 2014 [2 favorites]
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posted by ldthomps at 3:35 PM on December 9, 2014 [2 favorites]
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posted by gingerbeer at 3:40 PM on December 9, 2014
posted by gingerbeer at 3:40 PM on December 9, 2014
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posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 3:49 PM on December 9, 2014
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 3:49 PM on December 9, 2014
Something else to add … (I've just been reading over some of her recent emails …)
The last communication I had from Anita was on my birthday a couple of weeks back, when she herself must have been quite ill (but of which she hinted nothing). She talked about some issues we were having with our new shop (just opened):
My wish for you is that every day in this shop is brilliant and every one of its tomorrows is even better than the day before!
And closed with what would be her last words for me:
Here's to smooth sailing and many more happy birthdays!
posted by woodblock100 at 3:58 PM on December 9, 2014 [22 favorites]
The last communication I had from Anita was on my birthday a couple of weeks back, when she herself must have been quite ill (but of which she hinted nothing). She talked about some issues we were having with our new shop (just opened):
My wish for you is that every day in this shop is brilliant and every one of its tomorrows is even better than the day before!
And closed with what would be her last words for me:
Here's to smooth sailing and many more happy birthdays!
posted by woodblock100 at 3:58 PM on December 9, 2014 [22 favorites]
I am heartfelt sorry. Anita was a gem, that all-too-rare combination of incredibly intelligent and incredibly kind. Sincere condolences to her family, and thank you for sharing her with us here.
a fiendish thingy, thank you both for letting all of us know and in such a way that Anita would have really appreciated.
posted by vers at 4:07 PM on December 9, 2014
a fiendish thingy, thank you both for letting all of us know and in such a way that Anita would have really appreciated.
posted by vers at 4:07 PM on December 9, 2014
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posted by aroweofshale at 4:11 PM on December 9, 2014
posted by aroweofshale at 4:11 PM on December 9, 2014
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posted by Lina Lamont at 4:54 PM on December 9, 2014
posted by Lina Lamont at 4:54 PM on December 9, 2014
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posted by travelwithcats at 4:58 PM on December 9, 2014
posted by travelwithcats at 4:58 PM on December 9, 2014
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posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 5:11 PM on December 9, 2014
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 5:11 PM on December 9, 2014
I am very sorry to hear this. I was never surprised when I read a wise and thoughtful post and found her name at the end of it.
posted by oneirodynia at 5:13 PM on December 9, 2014 [4 favorites]
posted by oneirodynia at 5:13 PM on December 9, 2014 [4 favorites]
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(What a beautiful thing to do for her by her son. Like mother, like son, it would seem. I was Anitanola's SQ last year and even though I only knew her through those interactions and communications I got a sense that she was a very kind, generous and wonderful person. This is hitting closer to home than it should given I barely knew her.)
posted by Hairy Lobster at 5:15 PM on December 9, 2014 [4 favorites]
(What a beautiful thing to do for her by her son. Like mother, like son, it would seem. I was Anitanola's SQ last year and even though I only knew her through those interactions and communications I got a sense that she was a very kind, generous and wonderful person. This is hitting closer to home than it should given I barely knew her.)
posted by Hairy Lobster at 5:15 PM on December 9, 2014 [4 favorites]
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Anita had a wise and thoughtful way of expressing herself and will be much missed. My condolences to her family, and my appreciation to fiendish thingy for acting in the spirit of Anita by sharing the lagniappe.
posted by virago at 5:59 PM on December 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
Anita had a wise and thoughtful way of expressing herself and will be much missed. My condolences to her family, and my appreciation to fiendish thingy for acting in the spirit of Anita by sharing the lagniappe.
posted by virago at 5:59 PM on December 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
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posted by oceanjesse at 6:04 PM on December 9, 2014
posted by oceanjesse at 6:04 PM on December 9, 2014
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posted by catchingsignals at 6:33 PM on December 9, 2014
posted by catchingsignals at 6:33 PM on December 9, 2014
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posted by EXISTENZ IS PAUSED at 6:39 PM on December 9, 2014
posted by EXISTENZ IS PAUSED at 6:39 PM on December 9, 2014
Oh no...how sad. I am really going to miss Anitanola's voice on this site. She's one of the posters whose comments I always look forward to reading--I think of her as a strong feminist role model. I knew she was older than many Mefites, but I guess I somehow felt she would be here forever. Silly, I know.
Anitanola's son--I'm so sorry for your loss. Please do know that even if we never actually met her, lots of us here admired your mother and appreciated learning about her life through the many wise comments she made here. She is going to be missed.
A fiendish thingy, it really is a most beautiful coincidence that you ended up with her SQ package; thank you for making this lovely tribute to her.
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posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 6:56 PM on December 9, 2014 [5 favorites]
Anitanola's son--I'm so sorry for your loss. Please do know that even if we never actually met her, lots of us here admired your mother and appreciated learning about her life through the many wise comments she made here. She is going to be missed.
A fiendish thingy, it really is a most beautiful coincidence that you ended up with her SQ package; thank you for making this lovely tribute to her.
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posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 6:56 PM on December 9, 2014 [5 favorites]
What an interesting, wise, funny, fiercely intelligent woman. I will miss her presence and her wonderful writing a lot. Thank you, a fiendish thingy, and thank you, Cage family.
posted by The Elusive Architeuthis at 7:15 PM on December 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by The Elusive Architeuthis at 7:15 PM on December 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
Welp this is the saddest time.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 7:15 PM on December 9, 2014
posted by Potomac Avenue at 7:15 PM on December 9, 2014
She was a lovely person, whose comments would always make me want to be a better person myself. If you try to be a good person, one of the first things you discover is it's a lot of hard work. I fail at it constantly, and have endless admiration for folk like anitianola who make that work seem effortless. I am so thankful that she shared her wisdom with us over the years, we're all richer for it.
posted by maxwelton at 7:15 PM on December 9, 2014 [7 favorites]
posted by maxwelton at 7:15 PM on December 9, 2014 [7 favorites]
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posted by Alterscape at 7:36 PM on December 9, 2014
posted by Alterscape at 7:36 PM on December 9, 2014
It is so sweet that she would worry so about her Secret Quonsar gift. I am so sorry she is gone.
posted by IndigoRain at 7:41 PM on December 9, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by IndigoRain at 7:41 PM on December 9, 2014 [2 favorites]
When she added me as a contact, I thought "that is a fine compliment that someone of her wisdom and kindness would consider reading what I write." It sounds like she taught her family those traits too.
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posted by Turkey Glue at 7:57 PM on December 9, 2014 [2 favorites]
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posted by Turkey Glue at 7:57 PM on December 9, 2014 [2 favorites]
Sad news in a lovely tribute. Anitanola was one of my favorite contributors and I will miss her very much. Condolences to her family, and I hope they find some comfort in knowing how much she was loved and appreciated here.
posted by Quietgal at 8:30 PM on December 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by Quietgal at 8:30 PM on December 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
I am so sorry to hear this. I met Anitanola when we exchanged MeMails over her enjoyment of one of my posts (re: the Royal Order of Sartorial Splendor) and then we met a few times in MeFiChat as well. I had a lovely time talking to her & I regret I did not have the chance to talk to her more nor the chance to meet her in person; I will miss her. I appreciate this tribute.
posted by flex at 8:44 PM on December 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by flex at 8:44 PM on December 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
She really was the best of us. I know that in years to come, she and Quonsmas will be linked in my mind, her loss will be deeply felt here. Condolences to her family.
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posted by arcticseal at 8:48 PM on December 9, 2014 [6 favorites]
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posted by arcticseal at 8:48 PM on December 9, 2014 [6 favorites]
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posted by dorkydancer at 9:38 PM on December 9, 2014
posted by dorkydancer at 9:38 PM on December 9, 2014
What an amazing woman and role model. Wishing her family peace.
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posted by colt45 at 10:21 PM on December 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
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posted by colt45 at 10:21 PM on December 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
Oh no. What a sad loss for her family, her friends, us, and the world.
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posted by malibustacey9999 at 10:37 PM on December 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
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posted by malibustacey9999 at 10:37 PM on December 9, 2014 [1 favorite]
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posted by Herr Zebrurka at 11:49 PM on December 9, 2014
posted by Herr Zebrurka at 11:49 PM on December 9, 2014
Oh I'm so sorry to see this. I 'found' Anitanola just a couple of weeks ago and read through the comments she's made. She seemed like such a friendly lady. I hope she's happy, wherever she is.
posted by superfish at 12:40 AM on December 10, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by superfish at 12:40 AM on December 10, 2014 [1 favorite]
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posted by Stewriffic at 4:00 AM on December 10, 2014
posted by Stewriffic at 4:00 AM on December 10, 2014
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posted by fourpotatoes at 4:27 AM on December 10, 2014
posted by fourpotatoes at 4:27 AM on December 10, 2014
What an amazing story and life.
posted by rainbaby at 5:50 AM on December 10, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by rainbaby at 5:50 AM on December 10, 2014 [1 favorite]
Every time we'd have a meet up in New Orleans, I'd bug her to join us out. She'd always politely decline, but I'll always regret not meeting her in person. She was a wonderful part of this community we all love.
posted by ColdChef at 6:08 AM on December 10, 2014 [12 favorites]
posted by ColdChef at 6:08 AM on December 10, 2014 [12 favorites]
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posted by halcyonday at 8:08 AM on December 10, 2014
posted by halcyonday at 8:08 AM on December 10, 2014
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posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 8:39 AM on December 10, 2014
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 8:39 AM on December 10, 2014
What a lovely woman. So thoughtful and caring even in the midst of her own suffering.
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posted by misha at 11:12 AM on December 10, 2014 [1 favorite]
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posted by misha at 11:12 AM on December 10, 2014 [1 favorite]
Wow. Reading that obituary I'm struck by how much she sounds like my own mother, who is one of the most tireless and inspiring people I've ever known (and not just because she's my mom). The world will miss her, but it sounds like it's better for her having been here. I wish I could have known her better.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 12:03 PM on December 10, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 12:03 PM on December 10, 2014 [2 favorites]
I didn't know Anita, but this was such a lovely tribute. My thoughts and prayers with her family.
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posted by firei at 2:47 PM on December 10, 2014
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posted by firei at 2:47 PM on December 10, 2014
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posted by Jacqueline at 3:47 PM on December 10, 2014
posted by Jacqueline at 3:47 PM on December 10, 2014
Oh, no. I've been absent and missed this. I felt a real connection to her across the miles, as people. There was an extraordinary kindness to her that we should all aspire to. There's a hole in my heart right now, and it's growing. Fuck this getting old shit. I'm getting tired of surviving people.
If her loved ones are still reading, I am so sorry. We are truly, truly diminished.
posted by Devils Rancher at 5:23 PM on December 10, 2014 [2 favorites]
If her loved ones are still reading, I am so sorry. We are truly, truly diminished.
posted by Devils Rancher at 5:23 PM on December 10, 2014 [2 favorites]
I feel like secret quonsar ought to be renamed. As I recall the quonsar name came out of some pissiness over using "Christmas" in the gift exchange. Anitamas? Someone more clever than me could come up with a better name.
Also, this still needs to be added to the Best Of blog.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 5:39 PM on December 10, 2014 [3 favorites]
Also, this still needs to be added to the Best Of blog.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 5:39 PM on December 10, 2014 [3 favorites]
Also, this still needs to be added to the Best Of blog.
None of the mods who post to that blog have posted in this thread. Might want to MeMail them.
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 5:49 PM on December 10, 2014 [2 favorites]
None of the mods who post to that blog have posted in this thread. Might want to MeMail them.
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 5:49 PM on December 10, 2014 [2 favorites]
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posted by cooker girl at 6:57 PM on December 10, 2014
posted by cooker girl at 6:57 PM on December 10, 2014
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“Death is before me today:
Like the recovery of a sick man,
Like going forth into a garden after sickness.
Death is before me today:
Like the odor of myrrh,
Like sitting under a sail in a good wind.
Death is before me today:
Like the course of a stream,
Like the return of a man from the war-galley to his house.
Death is before me today:
Like the home that a man longs to see,
After years spent as a captive.”
Neil Gaiman interpretation of words from "Dialogue of a Misanthrope with His Soul" (ca 2000 BC), now called "Dispute between a man and his Ba," from a papyrus of the Middle Kingdom of Egypt.
posted by Deoridhe at 10:11 AM on December 11, 2014 [10 favorites]
“Death is before me today:
Like the recovery of a sick man,
Like going forth into a garden after sickness.
Death is before me today:
Like the odor of myrrh,
Like sitting under a sail in a good wind.
Death is before me today:
Like the course of a stream,
Like the return of a man from the war-galley to his house.
Death is before me today:
Like the home that a man longs to see,
After years spent as a captive.”
Neil Gaiman interpretation of words from "Dialogue of a Misanthrope with His Soul" (ca 2000 BC), now called "Dispute between a man and his Ba," from a papyrus of the Middle Kingdom of Egypt.
posted by Deoridhe at 10:11 AM on December 11, 2014 [10 favorites]
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posted by needlegrrl at 10:31 AM on December 11, 2014
posted by needlegrrl at 10:31 AM on December 11, 2014
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To her family, my thoughts are with you during this time.
She was a fabulous contributor to the Metafilter community and echoing comments above, she will be greatly missed.
posted by NikitaNikita at 11:03 AM on December 11, 2014 [1 favorite]
To her family, my thoughts are with you during this time.
She was a fabulous contributor to the Metafilter community and echoing comments above, she will be greatly missed.
posted by NikitaNikita at 11:03 AM on December 11, 2014 [1 favorite]
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I'm not sure how I missed this post, but I will most assuredly miss Anitanola's participation here.
posted by Sophie1 at 2:01 PM on December 11, 2014 [1 favorite]
I'm not sure how I missed this post, but I will most assuredly miss Anitanola's participation here.
posted by Sophie1 at 2:01 PM on December 11, 2014 [1 favorite]
Anitanola was the best of people: like others, my eyes always rested especially long on her comments, and I took so much from them. I'll miss her presence here: no, I'll feel its absence. We all will.
posted by holgate at 3:20 PM on December 11, 2014 [5 favorites]
posted by holgate at 3:20 PM on December 11, 2014 [5 favorites]
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posted by tychotesla at 6:57 PM on December 11, 2014
posted by tychotesla at 6:57 PM on December 11, 2014
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posted by stagewhisper at 7:43 PM on December 11, 2014
posted by stagewhisper at 7:43 PM on December 11, 2014
Years ago I participated in a Mefi holiday card exchange and ended up in the same group as Anita. I know I still have her card saved somewhere. She was so thoughtful and wise and intelligent and I loved reading everything she had to say. I want to be like her when I grow up.
posted by casarkos at 10:14 PM on December 11, 2014 [6 favorites]
posted by casarkos at 10:14 PM on December 11, 2014 [6 favorites]
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posted by Countess Elena at 11:19 AM on December 12, 2014
posted by Countess Elena at 11:19 AM on December 12, 2014
What a beautiful tribute story. Like many above, I did not have any personal interactions with Anita, but I cherished her contributions to the site. She continually surprised me, in the best possible ways, with the richness of her insights and the generosity with which she shared her stories and thoughts. My very best to her son, and to all those privileged to be grieving her passing.
posted by amelioration at 5:49 PM on December 12, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by amelioration at 5:49 PM on December 12, 2014 [2 favorites]
And I'm another who loved her here and feel bereft at this news, but not at all surprised she remained lovely and thoughtful to the end. She was one of the many special Mefites who make this community a joy.
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posted by bearwife at 6:20 PM on December 13, 2014 [5 favorites]
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posted by bearwife at 6:20 PM on December 13, 2014 [5 favorites]
Her posts were always wise and compassionate - her absence will leave a real hole! Condolences to her son and to all who loved her.
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posted by leslies at 7:08 PM on December 13, 2014
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posted by leslies at 7:08 PM on December 13, 2014
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posted by decathecting at 8:45 PM on December 13, 2014
posted by decathecting at 8:45 PM on December 13, 2014
I used to really love her posts. What a wonderful woman.
posted by gt2 at 10:32 PM on December 13, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by gt2 at 10:32 PM on December 13, 2014 [1 favorite]
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What a sad loss. I had no idea she was anything other than a perceptive, healthy, wise and robust human being. I love that I hadn't noticed she was 80. Just goes to show that age is just a number and she held her own without difficulty in a huge community of all ages in countries far and wide.
My condolences to her family from Sydney, Australia.
posted by taff at 12:45 AM on December 14, 2014 [11 favorites]
What a sad loss. I had no idea she was anything other than a perceptive, healthy, wise and robust human being. I love that I hadn't noticed she was 80. Just goes to show that age is just a number and she held her own without difficulty in a huge community of all ages in countries far and wide.
My condolences to her family from Sydney, Australia.
posted by taff at 12:45 AM on December 14, 2014 [11 favorites]
Very sad news. I enjoyed reading her. The kindness and warmth and wisdom did flow from her, natural and easily. Rest in Peace, dear Lady.
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posted by scottymac at 9:32 PM on December 14, 2014 [1 favorite]
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posted by scottymac at 9:32 PM on December 14, 2014 [1 favorite]
Follow up from Anita's son:
Thank you so much for the link to the remembrance page. What you wrote was so beautiful, as was your offer to parcel out her stationery and cards. Please know that she had many more such items which I will happily send you to pass on to any mefite who would like them. It is quite humbling to know that so many benefited from the grace and wisdom that I knew every day of my life. I forwarded the celebration page link to two of her closest friends – Daneen and Lisa, mentioned in her obituary - and I cannot tell you much it has meant to all three of us. We are all touched by the condolences of so many who thought so fondly of her, and gratified by their remembrance of her words and musings. And it is such privilege to go through her posts and hear her voice again . . . truly a remarkable archive and a source of great comfort, pride and inspiration for us.posted by a fiendish thingy at 7:00 AM on December 18, 2014 [117 favorites]
Please do convey my thanks to everyone. I would like to add that metafilter surely represents the best that the internet can be. My mother’s mobility was severely limited in her last years, and she never ventured out of her house except for doctor’s visits, which she dreaded. (Not the prognoses of which bothered her, but the days she would spend in bed recuperating from the drain on her energies it would bring.) Housebound, she would spend each day sitting at her desk which afforded her a lovely view of the neighbors’ yard (with its dripping bougainvillea and lush fig trees, populated by the neighborhood cats and a seemingly fearless family of raccoons), but her real window on world was the internet. It allowed her so much freedom that her failing body denied her: to shop, to bank, to correspond and – above all, through metafilter – to meet new people and engage with them in the thoughtful dialogue and lively debate which were her spiritual nourishment. I cannot imagine what her life would have been like without your community and its inhabitants, and hope you call all take great pride and satisfaction in knowing that for her you fulfilled a need which, before this technology and the exemplary use to which you have put it, would have remained unmet and doubtlessly robbed her of much of the joy she assuredly felt in her twilight.
You're going to sidebar that response from her son, no?
posted by benito.strauss at 11:45 AM on December 18, 2014
posted by benito.strauss at 11:45 AM on December 18, 2014
You're going to sidebar that response from her son, no?
While I have personal opinions on the mannerliness of showing up to pay respects in a thread like this in a community you work in and/or own, that is not a universally held feeling. If you want mod attention for something, you'd best contact them directly.
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 12:12 PM on December 18, 2014 [5 favorites]
While I have personal opinions on the mannerliness of showing up to pay respects in a thread like this in a community you work in and/or own, that is not a universally held feeling. If you want mod attention for something, you'd best contact them directly.
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 12:12 PM on December 18, 2014 [5 favorites]
Yeah, I guess I don't know how to get things sidebarred. I got a memail from a fiendish thingy saying I confused them too. I'm off to the contact form ....
posted by benito.strauss at 12:55 PM on December 18, 2014
posted by benito.strauss at 12:55 PM on December 18, 2014
As I understand it, the way to ask for things to be sidebarred is to "flag as fantastic" or use the contact form, or both.
posted by grouse at 1:32 PM on December 18, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by grouse at 1:32 PM on December 18, 2014 [1 favorite]
Thanks for posting the story from her son a fiendish thingy, that's a really touching story and it's wonderful to hear MeFi was a way for her to stay connected to the world when her mobility was diminished.
For Anitanola: .
posted by mathowie (staff) at 9:40 PM on December 18, 2014 [4 favorites]
For Anitanola: .
posted by mathowie (staff) at 9:40 PM on December 18, 2014 [4 favorites]
That followup note from Anita's son is wonderful; thanks for passing it along, a fiendish thingy.
I've made a post on BestOf, about Anita's passing, this thread, and that note.
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:34 PM on December 18, 2014 [7 favorites]
I've made a post on BestOf, about Anita's passing, this thread, and that note.
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:34 PM on December 18, 2014 [7 favorites]
Since I'm not around here very consistently, I had only started taking note of Anitanola as a commenter pretty recently, probably as I started narrowing my activity to posts on interests we shared. But she very quickly accrued a pile of positive associations in my mind for her smart, thoughtful, compassionate, and well-written comments. I am sorry there won't be more of them.
And thank you, a fiendish thingy, for starting this lovely tribute to Anitanola and sharing it with her family.
posted by EvaDestruction at 4:57 AM on December 19, 2014 [1 favorite]
And thank you, a fiendish thingy, for starting this lovely tribute to Anitanola and sharing it with her family.
posted by EvaDestruction at 4:57 AM on December 19, 2014 [1 favorite]
Oh, I'm so sorry! So much wisdom and kindness.
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posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 7:00 AM on December 19, 2014
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posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 7:00 AM on December 19, 2014
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posted by lucy.jakobs at 7:54 AM on December 19, 2014
posted by lucy.jakobs at 7:54 AM on December 19, 2014
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posted by DynamiteToast at 8:14 AM on December 19, 2014
posted by DynamiteToast at 8:14 AM on December 19, 2014
Some of my favorite comments from her:
"I had the pleasure, once in a while over the last two decades, to interact with Joan Rivers in a professional capacity: she collected jewelry, of course, but also 19th century silverplate figural napkin rings. She was unfailingly pleasant, personable, engaging, friendly, funny and utterly without a trace of pretension. I remember once telling her how much, even as a kid, I enjoyed her “Mr. Phyllis” gay hairdresser routine and asked whatever happened to him. She said: “Oh, at my age I need a whole team of Mr. Phyllises.” “The Philistines?” I asked, and she erupted with that distintive breathless laugh. One of my proudest moments: I made Joan Rivers laugh. RIP, Ms. Rivers." -- my son on Facebook
* * *
Years ago while I was in the emergency room all night on some blind, booming machine which I supposed was breathing for me, friends never let go of my hands, always one on each side. Before I came home from that extended stay, two had gone to my house, moved my bed into a lovely east room they had painted the most delectable butter yellow color and hung my favorite pictures so I would have a more accessible place to recuperate. I'm sitting in that room today, missing one friend who spends half the year on the West Coast these days. With others I play WWF and chat and we meet or indulge in late night phone calls when something needs hashing. All are friends I made after age fifty and I don't think I could live without them.
* * *
I only want to live as long as my quality of life is acceptable to me. I do not want to have surgery or even be admitted to the hospital ever again. It concerns me that anyone might be able to override my wishes in this regard and I take as much precaution as I can to insure my wishes are followed. Surely this is my decision to make. I am sensible; I have checkups, follow doctors' recommendations, take my meds, etc., but I think I have a right not to be subjected to someone else's determination to stave off the inevitable, especially as those efforts will likely destroy my peace and happiness. Living longer is not important to me at all if I am not able to live well, by my own definition. I want to be able to think and to be relatively free of pain. That is important to me. I know that my son will be sad and will miss me but that is unavoidable in life if we are ever to love anyone at all. The love is more important than the loss.
* * *
And more than anything:
I've been haunted for a while now by John McPhee's piece about the river I have been in awe of and have loved all my life. I hope my ashes will join the meltwater and silt from the great midsection of this continent one day, hopefully before the channel jumps and joins the Atchafalaya. I've always felt faintly guilty that those Corps of Engineer levees have made it possible for me to live on either side of the river along its length, even here downriver, where I am barely above sea level.
May your wish come true, fellow poster.
posted by maxsparber at 8:43 AM on December 19, 2014 [21 favorites]
"I had the pleasure, once in a while over the last two decades, to interact with Joan Rivers in a professional capacity: she collected jewelry, of course, but also 19th century silverplate figural napkin rings. She was unfailingly pleasant, personable, engaging, friendly, funny and utterly without a trace of pretension. I remember once telling her how much, even as a kid, I enjoyed her “Mr. Phyllis” gay hairdresser routine and asked whatever happened to him. She said: “Oh, at my age I need a whole team of Mr. Phyllises.” “The Philistines?” I asked, and she erupted with that distintive breathless laugh. One of my proudest moments: I made Joan Rivers laugh. RIP, Ms. Rivers." -- my son on Facebook
* * *
Years ago while I was in the emergency room all night on some blind, booming machine which I supposed was breathing for me, friends never let go of my hands, always one on each side. Before I came home from that extended stay, two had gone to my house, moved my bed into a lovely east room they had painted the most delectable butter yellow color and hung my favorite pictures so I would have a more accessible place to recuperate. I'm sitting in that room today, missing one friend who spends half the year on the West Coast these days. With others I play WWF and chat and we meet or indulge in late night phone calls when something needs hashing. All are friends I made after age fifty and I don't think I could live without them.
* * *
I only want to live as long as my quality of life is acceptable to me. I do not want to have surgery or even be admitted to the hospital ever again. It concerns me that anyone might be able to override my wishes in this regard and I take as much precaution as I can to insure my wishes are followed. Surely this is my decision to make. I am sensible; I have checkups, follow doctors' recommendations, take my meds, etc., but I think I have a right not to be subjected to someone else's determination to stave off the inevitable, especially as those efforts will likely destroy my peace and happiness. Living longer is not important to me at all if I am not able to live well, by my own definition. I want to be able to think and to be relatively free of pain. That is important to me. I know that my son will be sad and will miss me but that is unavoidable in life if we are ever to love anyone at all. The love is more important than the loss.
* * *
And more than anything:
I've been haunted for a while now by John McPhee's piece about the river I have been in awe of and have loved all my life. I hope my ashes will join the meltwater and silt from the great midsection of this continent one day, hopefully before the channel jumps and joins the Atchafalaya. I've always felt faintly guilty that those Corps of Engineer levees have made it possible for me to live on either side of the river along its length, even here downriver, where I am barely above sea level.
May your wish come true, fellow poster.
posted by maxsparber at 8:43 AM on December 19, 2014 [21 favorites]
I didn't know her personally, but I feel safe in assuming that she was a wonderful, wonderful person, because her generosity of spirit and her compassion and thoughtfulness always shone through in her comments. I will miss her and so will all of mefi. My condolences to her family and loved ones.
posted by blucevalo at 10:25 AM on December 19, 2014
posted by blucevalo at 10:25 AM on December 19, 2014
To Anitanola's son,
Wow, thank you for those beautifully stated insights and description of your mother's last years. Condolences again to you and to Daneen and Lisa.
posted by torticat at 11:07 AM on December 19, 2014
Wow, thank you for those beautifully stated insights and description of your mother's last years. Condolences again to you and to Daneen and Lisa.
posted by torticat at 11:07 AM on December 19, 2014
Anitanola was - is - definitely the Best of Metafilter.
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posted by Tomorrowful at 11:37 AM on December 19, 2014 [5 favorites]
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posted by Tomorrowful at 11:37 AM on December 19, 2014 [5 favorites]
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posted by Foci for Analysis at 11:43 AM on December 19, 2014
posted by Foci for Analysis at 11:43 AM on December 19, 2014
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posted by lalochezia at 12:53 PM on December 19, 2014
posted by lalochezia at 12:53 PM on December 19, 2014
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posted by Defying Gravity at 3:02 PM on December 19, 2014
posted by Defying Gravity at 3:02 PM on December 19, 2014
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posted by dog food sugar at 4:25 PM on December 19, 2014
posted by dog food sugar at 4:25 PM on December 19, 2014
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posted by GrammarMoses at 6:19 PM on December 19, 2014
posted by GrammarMoses at 6:19 PM on December 19, 2014
She was so nice and such a heartfelt writer. It is no small thing to be a decent human being on the internet, where anonymity enables the worst of people.
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posted by benzenedream at 12:57 AM on December 20, 2014 [1 favorite]
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posted by benzenedream at 12:57 AM on December 20, 2014 [1 favorite]
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posted by Uther Bentrazor at 6:02 AM on December 20, 2014
posted by Uther Bentrazor at 6:02 AM on December 20, 2014
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posted by DarlingBri at 2:09 PM on December 20, 2014
posted by DarlingBri at 2:09 PM on December 20, 2014
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posted by but no cigar at 2:10 PM on December 20, 2014
posted by but no cigar at 2:10 PM on December 20, 2014
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posted by LooseFilter at 6:53 PM on December 20, 2014
posted by LooseFilter at 6:53 PM on December 20, 2014
I am sad that I did not get to know or appreciate her wisdom and warmth during her time here. What a remarkable woman.
posted by and miles to go before I sleep at 7:06 PM on December 20, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by and miles to go before I sleep at 7:06 PM on December 20, 2014 [1 favorite]
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posted by mayurasana at 8:48 AM on December 21, 2014
posted by mayurasana at 8:48 AM on December 21, 2014
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posted by the sobsister at 10:30 AM on December 21, 2014
posted by the sobsister at 10:30 AM on December 21, 2014
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posted by rangefinder 1.4 at 12:14 AM on December 22, 2014
posted by rangefinder 1.4 at 12:14 AM on December 22, 2014
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posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 5:52 AM on December 23, 2014
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 5:52 AM on December 23, 2014
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We are all a little less, now that we are without her.
posted by allkindsoftime at 10:08 AM on December 23, 2014
We are all a little less, now that we are without her.
posted by allkindsoftime at 10:08 AM on December 23, 2014
I wish anitanola were my mentor. What a fierce, brilliant, kind woman. I remember reading one of her AskMeFi comments just the other day.
You are missed.
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posted by simulacra at 3:00 PM on December 23, 2014
You are missed.
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posted by simulacra at 3:00 PM on December 23, 2014
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posted by zerobyproxy at 8:54 AM on December 24, 2014
posted by zerobyproxy at 8:54 AM on December 24, 2014
Oh my. I just saw this. I'm deeply saddened. She was a lovely woman both on the site, and off. My sincerest sympathies to her family and loved ones. I wish I had the words to express how sorry I am that the world has lost her.
posted by dejah420 at 12:46 AM on December 26, 2014
posted by dejah420 at 12:46 AM on December 26, 2014
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Anyone who says relationships on the internet aren't real has no idea what they're talking about.
posted by Lulu's Pink Converse at 9:22 PM on December 26, 2014 [6 favorites]
Anyone who says relationships on the internet aren't real has no idea what they're talking about.
posted by Lulu's Pink Converse at 9:22 PM on December 26, 2014 [6 favorites]
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posted by limeonaire at 4:22 PM on December 27, 2014
posted by limeonaire at 4:22 PM on December 27, 2014
Like many others, I remember an abundance of wisdom and kindness from Anitanola. If MetaFilter really is the best of the Internet, she was one of the best of the best and will be missed greatly.
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posted by dg at 2:47 AM on December 29, 2014 [2 favorites]
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posted by dg at 2:47 AM on December 29, 2014 [2 favorites]
She was always so supportive here behind the scenes through my transition and associated struggles. I enjoyed our conversations here over memail. She will be missed greatly.
posted by Annika Cicada at 9:15 AM on December 29, 2014 [5 favorites]
posted by Annika Cicada at 9:15 AM on December 29, 2014 [5 favorites]
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posted by fiercecupcake at 7:03 AM on December 30, 2014
posted by fiercecupcake at 7:03 AM on December 30, 2014
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posted by Duffington at 4:10 PM on December 30, 2014
posted by Duffington at 4:10 PM on December 30, 2014
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posted by en forme de poire at 11:21 PM on January 2, 2015
posted by en forme de poire at 11:21 PM on January 2, 2015
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posted by longdaysjourney at 6:35 PM on January 7, 2015
posted by longdaysjourney at 6:35 PM on January 7, 2015
You are not logged in, either login or create an account to post comments
posted by angrycat at 9:10 AM on December 9, 2014 [19 favorites]